Break My Own Heart
by wildfores
Summary: While Sara recovers from her past break up, she meets Tegan who is new in town. Quincest.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

**A/N** Hi guys, so I started something new, tell me if you like it! As for Nothing But You, I'll try update as soon as possible but I haven't started so.. oh and I started a tumblr yesterday if y'all are interested. its wildfores

Sara POV

It's not unusual to find myself here again, at a bar drowning my sorrows with alcohol while looking for someone to bring home. Ever since I broke up with Stacy I've been drinking. It wasn't unexpected, I mean when Emy and I broke up I was utterly destroyed. But at least that was a mutual breakup. Stacy however was a different story. After countless fights, endless nights full of yelling and screaming she finally called it quits. I didn't do so well then, and neither am I now. I never quite managed to bounce back, so here I am again, almost a year after the break up, drinking beer after beer waiting for someone to catch my eye. After my third beer, I see her walk in. She's wearing skinny acid wash jeans and a band t-shirt. She has this sort of tough look going on which I can't quite put my finger on why. It's like she's rugged, yet still classy. I wait for her to sit down and order what she wants before calling the bartender over, who has over the past couple weeks become by friend. "Hey Jack," I motion to him that I want to buy her that drink and he nods understanding me.

"Here," I hand him some money.

"Alright, anything else for you Sara?" I shake my head.

The girl gets her drink, looks over at me and smiles at me. I smile back and walk towards her, "Hey I'm Sara."

"Tegan," she shakes my hand with a sturdy grip.

"So are you new to Montreal?" I ask her having never seen her before.

"Yeah, I just moved here for a job," she tells me.

"And what job would that be?"

"You'll know soon enough. Come dance with me," she stands up, picks up her drink and grabs my wrist with her other hand.

I chuckle at her, "Do you always dance with strangers in a foreign city?"

"Your name is Sara you live in Montreal. My name is Tegan and I now live in Montreal too. What do you mean by 'stranger'?"

I just laugh and move along to the loud music. As minutes go by we start to move closer and closer together. Soon enough, her drink is gone and I'm grinding against her front, facing away from her. She takes hold of my waist and spins me still continuing the grinding. I slip my leg in between hers and we both look at each other. At this close distance I see how beautiful she actually is. Her gorgeous hazel eyes, perfect button nose, wide jaw and toned muscles. She's so fucking sexy. I think she noticed my staring and smirks before pushes her leg up slightly. From the effects of both the alcohol and this woman, I feel myself pool in my boyshorts. My hands move down behind her and I pull her even closer. With our faces inches apart, both our breathing becomes slightly ragged and I lean in. Our lips touch and I open my mouth slightly. Mouths dance together before she runs her tongue against my lip. My lips part even more and our tongues meet. After an intense make out session, I pull away and take her hand. I step off the dance floor and look at her, "Do you wanna come over to my place?"

"Um, sure, why not," she says after a short hesitation. I lead her to my car and I drive the short journey home. I unlock the door and open it wide for her to walk in. I close the door and walk to the kitchen realizing we probably need a couple more drinks. "Do you drink tequila?" I look over my shoulder to see her nod. With two drinks in one hand and the bottle in the other, I walk over to kitchen island. After more drinks and some talking, were both feeling the alcohol coursing through our bodies, though after becoming an alcoholic, I'm not as drunk as she is.

"So Tegan, you never told me what your job is," I say.

"Well, I'm a mechanic at a car shop and they told me to come here, so here I am!," she slurs.

I laugh at her and continue what I started during the beginning of the night, "I bet you'll look sexy in your uniform, all dirty and shit, fixing up cars."

"Oh my gosh Sara," she blushes, "No, you know who looks sexy? You do," she hops of the chair and walks over to me.

"Why me Sara? Out of all the girls at that bar why did you buy _me _a drink?" she says softer now standing so close to me. I feel my heart beat faster and get a little nervous. _I'm never like this, usually I just get in their pants and then tell them to leave. Fuck. Keep it cool Sara._

"Well, why not?" I smirk and stand up before kissing her to distract me from my thoughts. Without breaking the kiss, I lead us to the bedroom. I back her up until her knees hit the bed, and unable to keep her balance, she falls down onto the mattress. She giggles as she scoots backwards and I just laugh as I get up and hover over her. I lean down to kiss her while my hands reach under her shirt to palm her full breasts. I pull away to take her shirt and bra off before stripping down myself. Once completely naked apart from my boyshorts, I lean back down but this time attacking her neck. She moans as I squeeze her breasts and lifts her hips to gain to find some friction. I straddle her and start to grind into her. She starts to squirm beneath me and reaches for her pants, "Sara... please." I sit back up and unbutton her pants before pulling them down along with her underwear. I'm met with a glistening sight. I move backwards and lie on my belly. Putting my arms around her thighs I run my tongue up along her slit then taking her clit into my mouth. She tastes so sweet. She gasps in pleasure and I smile as I move my tongue in circles. "Oh god," she breathes out. I move up and kiss her, slipping my tongue into her mouth letting her taste herself. I plunge two fingers into her and her back slightly arches. I pump in and out in a steady rhythm and attach my thumb to her clit. It's not long before she cums all over my hand. I slow down while she comes down from her high and I hear her sighs. I pull out completely and place my lips on hers while she flips us then scoots down lower. Watching her has gotten my clit throbbing and so when she runs her short nails down my thighs I can't help but beg, "Fuck, Tegan please." But instead she pulls down my boyshorts in a painfully slow speed. I grunt in frustration and she finally decides she's teased me enough because starts to run her tongue up and down my slit. My nerves are on fire and I know I won't last long. My hand goes to her head in encouragement for more. She thrusts her tongue deep inside me, pulling a gasp out of me. "Shit," I mutter as she speeds up, her nose hitting my clit. My other hand grips the bed sheet, my back arches and cry out her name as the orgasm takes over me. As I start to relax she moves slightly to my left and lies down on top of me. I'm surprised at how well our bodies fit together. "That was amazing," I breathe out. She nods as she reaches down and pulls the covers over us before relaxing back into me. _Shit is she gonna stay here?_ I never keep the person around, I always make them leave. But I don't know about Tegan, she feels different. I'll admit it now. Sure in the beginning all I wanted was another girl to fuck then never see again, but honestly I wouldn't mind seeing Tegan again. A couple minutes pass and she starts to get up. _Phew. _I just watch as she puts her clothes back on. She really does have a beautiful body. I get up and slip on my shirt before following her out. "Will I see you again Sara?" she asks as I open the door for her

"Hmm… I don't know," I say honestly. For a split second I think her face becomes one of disappointment, but I could be wrong. Damn it _I'll _bedisappointed if I don't see her again.

"Bye Sara, "she says sweetly before walking away. Shit, I'm so confused right now. I don't want her to go but at the same time letting people go is all I know. Deciding to follow my gut I call after her, "Tegan wait!"

She stops and turns around, confused. I walk to her still dressed in nothing but a shirt barely covering things. "Tegan, wait, I wanted to ask you, would you like to go on a date with me?" My hands grip each other and I don't even know why I'm so nervous. I'm instantly relieved when I see her smile, "Sure, that'd be great." She reaches into her back pocket and gives me her card. I read 'Tegan Rain Quin – Mechanic' with her number written on the back.

A wide grin spreads across my face, "Alright, thanks. I'll call you Tegan, bye."

"Bye Sara," and she gives me the most adorable gummy smile. As I make my way back to bed I can't help but feel at loss. I haven't had a date in so long. It's not that I'm worried that I'd mess up or anything, but what if she breaks my heart just like Stacy did? Then I wouldn't know what to do.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

**A/N **ok so my tumblr is now wildfores. This was supposed to be longer but I'd rather update now than make you wait so if it's a bit uneventful Sorry D: I've got this whole story planned out and I promise it gets a bit more interesting after this. As for nothing but you, I've written the first 2 paragraphs so I'm getting there!

* * *

Tegan POV

Only a week after I come to a brand new city, that half the time speaks in French, I have a date. When? I don't know yet. It's been two days since that night with Sara and I can't stop thinking about her. I don't know what it is but I just can't. It's like some cheesy magnetic pull or something. Who knows? I walk into the liquor store to find something for my best friend Jeremy's wedding. Coincidentally the venue for the event is only about 3 hours drive from my new apartment. I feel a buzz in my pocket signaling someone's calling me. I pick up the phone with my attention still on the rows of alcohol trying to find something he'd like.

"Hello Tegan? This is Sara," I hear her voice come through. "Oh, hi Sara," I say stopping in the middle of the aisle.

"Um, do you want to have dinner with me Friday night?"

"Sure, uh, 8 o'clock?" I tell her automatically hoping I don't sound to eager.

"Alright, I'll pick you up, just text me your address. See you Tegan." I say bye as a wide grin spreads across my face. I can't help but feel excited, just like I'm a teenager again, but I like Sara so it doesn't matter. I pick out a bottle of Grey Goose and pay for it before heading home. I open the door to my small and messy apartment and check my voicemails. _Hi Tegan, it's Jeremy. Just checking if you're bringing anyone to the wedding? I can save an extra seat for you. Call me A.S.A.P ok, bye. _Oh shit. I completely forgot that the wedding is this Friday. Hoping Sara would agree, even though it would be a weird first date, I call her to ask if we could change our plans. After a couple rings, she picks up, "Hi again Tegan," she chuckles.

"Hi Sara, sorry but I totally forgot Friday is my best friend Jeremy's wedding, so would you like to change plans or come be my date to the wedding? It's a three hour drive just so you know."

"Oh, um, I guess so," she pauses for a moment, "Sure, Tegan I'll be your date. What time should I pick you up?" she asks guessing that I probably haven't gotten the chance to buy a car. "Around 2 o'clock should be fine," I tell her. "2 PM it is, bye Tegan." This time I hang up and smile, happy that she agreed to accompany me to a stranger's wedding.

Thanks to loads of unpacking and settling into my new job, Friday rolls by quickly and I find myself standing in front of my closet searching through my still yet-to-be-organized pile of clothes. In the end I reluctantly don a simple black dress thinking that I should probably put a little more effort into my best friend's wedding. After that I start my hunt for some shoes.

At 2 o'clock the bell rings and I buzz Sara in, still doing final touches on my hair. I open the door and am met with Sara in a grey blazer and tight black pants, looking as handsome as ever. "Oh wow Tegan you look great!" I try to hide the blushing as I return to compliment, "Thanks, you look great too." _Seriously Tegan can't think of another word other than great?_

I shake off my nerves and pull it together, "Sorry it's such a weird first date, but I promise it'll be fun," I tell her honestly knowing that the after party is going to be great.

"Oh it's fine really, I really need to do something other than sit in a bar and drink," she says sitting down on the couch waiting for me to finish up.

"So you drive 3 hours to a stranger's wedding with a girl you've only seen once before?" I joke.

"Well don't put it that way then," she laughs getting up seeing that I'm ready, "Are you ready?"

"Yup, lets go," we both walk out to her car and hop in starting the three hour journey.

"Um, there's some music over there. Just choose anything you want," she points to the compartment in front of me. I pick out a Bruce Springsteen CD slipping it into the machine. "So Sara, what do you do?" I start our conversation.

"I used to be a radio host but now I'm a journalist. It's a bit more calming since I don't work on a contract anymore. For now though I'm just taking a break."

After a little more talking, her phone rings and as it vibrates, it slips off the middle section to the ground by my feet. I lean down to grab it.

"Who is it Tegan?" I look at the phone screen and read out the name, "JessicaRedDress." Weird. "Oh just hang up, I'll call her later," she says quickly trying taking the phone from my hand. Confused I scroll down her contacts list full of names with a small description on the back. What the hell? "Sara who are these people?" I ask as she takes the phone from my hand. "Just some people I met," she looks away and tries to change the subject to the wedding but I don't let her. "People you met at the bar?"

"Um, yea," she chooses honestly but I'm still not satisfied.

"Sara do you sleep with everyone you meet?" I ask shocked as I put pieces together.

"No of course not! Just… a lot of them…" her face turns red, whether it's from embarrassment or shame, I don't know. I'm not necessarily judging her, just surprised and slightly upset that she still contacts these people. "Do you still?" I have to ask.

"Not after the night with you, if that's what you mean. Don't judge me, I'm not the worst one out there ya know," she tells me with a slight tone of anger.

"Oh, sorry Sara, I didn't mean it that way. And I'm not judging you, just trying to understand I guess," I say hoping I didn't give too bad of an impression.

"Oh, maybe I'll tell you about it one day."

Wondering what she means by that, I hand her back her phone as she turns onto the highway. We get talking and we learn a lot about each other. I tell her about my family, my job and those typical things you ask someone when you have three hours to spare like favourite colour, food, music, and all those. She tells me about how she quit the radio station and took up writing, though she did leave out the part about taking a break. Maybe it's personal so I don't inquire further. After we get going from the rest stop we switch places and I drive the car while Sara falls asleep. I spend the last hour listening to music and finally get to the location. There's a little bit of chaos going on and I have to stop for a bit while they bring a load of chairs across the road. My eyes look to Sara, still silently sleeping. I smile just thinking about her. It's weird, it's like even just being around her makes me happy. I drive slowly following a man who leads me to the parking area. I stop just under a large tree to keep the car shaded. "Sara," I lightly tap her shoulder to wake her up."Hm?" "We're here Sara." She wakes up and we both eagerly get out of the car stretching out our limbs. I look around and see Jeremy standing outside oversees the last minute touch ups. "C'mon, there's Jeremy." I take her hand and walk over to see my best friend in a tuxedo, "Damn you clean up well!"

"Tegan, Hi! It's been too long Teegs. Wow you look amazing," he hugs me tight then pulls away looking at Sara, "And who's this?"

"This is my date, Sara. Sara, this is Jeremy, one of the grooms." They shake hands and introduce themselves.

"WHAT THE HELL?" We're interrupted by some guy freaking out over something. "Shit, gotta go guys, I'll see you later," Jeremy runs off to go sort something out.

"One of the grooms?" Sara looks at me.

"Yea, he's gay too," I inform her. "Oohh right," she nods and smacks her forehead. She looks around, "Tegan, um, are your parents here?" I totally forgot that if they were here, Sara would be meeting my parents on a first date. Thank god they aren't coming to this reception but to the second wedding closer to her in America.

"Oh my god, that totally slipped my mind, but no they aren't," we both sigh in relief and I giggle, "Oops."

She just laughs at me and I thank the universe she's being so chill about this being out first date.

A steady flow of people come in and I see some of my other close friends Ted, Rob, Hunter and a few others. I go over and introduce Sara and she manages to get along with them pretty well. Before long the reception starts and we're all sitting down waiting for the groom to walk out. After a short while, I see my best friend looking the happiest I've even seen him marry the love of his life.

The next few hours fly by and before we know it, we're at the hotel's nightclub starting off the after party. After a couple drink and lots of dancing with Sara, I can't help but think how the night is going to end.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Tegan POV

After a few rounds of shots, I sit here in our booth watching the newly wed couple dance their butts off. They reserved the hotel nightclub just for wedding guests so I knew a lot of people here. I watched as Sara downed another shot clearly trying to get drunk. She's taken so many already I'm surprised and impressed she's still on her feet. An hour later practically everyone's on the dance floor with no shame whatsoever. I hold on to Sara dancing in front of me partly so that she grinds against me and partly so she doesn't fall from to her current drunken state. She turns around and takes me hand, "Walk me to the bathroom." I let her drag me with her to the cramped unisex bathroom and wait for her as she does her business. When she opens the stall door, instead of stepping out, she pulls me in causing me to lose my footing. I trip and nearly fall on her but she somehow manages to grab onto me and spin us around, pinning me to the wall. My eyebrows go up and I chuckle.

"Hi Tee," she whispers seductively into me ear. Her hands go to my hips as her mouth latches onto my neck. She slowly moves up and she finally slips her tongue between my lips. Her sweet saliva mixes with mine and I can't help but push her back against the opposite wall and start to feel her up. Everything about her is so sexy. I just want to keep her forever I don't care if that makes me selfish. I want her by my side always. My brain always decides to do this and I start to think more logically, though Sara's mouth slowly moving down my neck is threatening to stop me from doing so. I open my eyes and look down to her, she lifts her head and all I see in her is desire. _Does she want me, or just what's in my pants? _ The last thing I want is to be used by the one person I want to be with. I decide to think about it more and enjoy the night instead. I slowly pull her away from me and up so we're face to face again. "Let's dance Sara," I tell her hoping that I can buy time.

"But I want you," she slurs as she pokes me in the chest with her finger.

"Later," I kiss her and open the door behind me before stepping out.

We go back out but don't stay for very long once I notice that Sara can barely walk by herself anymore. With her arm slung over my shoulder, I walk to our hotel room. The moment we get there she runs towards the bed and falls on top of it. She turns over onto her back and smiles at me. Having to keep Sara under control has sobered me up a bit so I quickly go to the bathroom to get changed and brush my teeth. When I walk out, Sara has stripped herself so she's only in her underwear and laid out on top of the covers just waiting for me to go over. _Shit. _ Although she's drunk I have to ask her before going further. "Sara," I walk over and sit cross legged in front of her, "do you only want me for sex?"

Her brow furrowed in confusion as she sits up realizing I'm in a more serious mood, "Hm?" I sigh as I lay down and pull her on top of me. "Do you want a relationship with me, or do you just want sex?" I ask her again hoping she'll give me an answer. But instead, she looks at me asks, "Why won't you have sex with me Tee?" I now realize she's too drunk for this and I just shake my head, "Not tonight." She slowly rolls off me and I turn, my back facing her. "Good night Sara." I can't help but think that she's only using me for sex and will later on leave me. Or be like my previous girlfriend Teresa who dated me for so long, told me she loved me then cheated on me claiming she 'didn't feel it anymore'. I don't think I could bear feeling like that all over again so I stopped Sara. I stopped her from digging in too deep and hooking me onto her, to the point where I won't be able to leave, even if I tried. I know that if I do sleep with her, in the morning I'll expect her to stay. I once again sigh and do my best to fall asleep. Moments later I hear the sheets ruffle and the covers get pulled as Sara rolls over to me, sliding her hand over my waist and cuddling close, "Are you angry?" She asks gently, her mood changing. Too upset and confused to answer, I pretend I'm already asleep. She waits a few seconds and when she doesn't answer she whispers, "I'm sorry Tee," as she scoots back a little, still spooning me. I smile but will myself to stay put and go to sleep so that I can figure everything out in the morning with a clear mind and a sober Sara.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

A/N Oh my god I didn't realize it's been so long, sorry! This chapter isn't too long but it was a bit hard for me to write and took me a while. Hopefully this helped me get through my block, but we'll see. I've got the rest of the story planned out though so I should be able to update faster.

* * *

I awake to the bring sun lighting up the entire room. I groan and roll over, eyes squinting as I see that the curtains have been pulled back. I look back searching for her, but she's not there. I slowly sit up and look around the room still unable to see her. I sigh remembering last night and get out of bed. Her stuff is still here so at least she hasn't left. I enter the bathroom and brush my teeth before taking a quick shower. Once I'm out, I take some time to figure out my next move and decide to call her as I go down to get some breakfast. She doesn't pick up and I get a little frustrated. I walk out the elevator and as I walk into the eating area I notice her brunette head in the corner, eating alone. I walk over to her and sit down wanting to talk to her. "Hi Sara."

"Oh! Hi Tegan, sorry I didn't want to wake you and I had a slight headache so I came down for some coffee," she smiles at me and my mood alters for the better.

"I called you though, why didn't you pick up? I wanted to talk to you."

"Um," she checks her pockets, "I might've left it upstairs, sorry," she apologizes again.

"That's alright," before I can ask about last night she asks me if I have eaten.

"Not yet," I tell her.

"Oh you have to try to pastries they have. They're amazing," she says excitedly. I just smile at how cute she is and decide to put off the serious talk. We're here to have fun so I'll save it for the car ride home or something.

We spend the next few hours just relaxing and talking with the newly weds. Sara settles in with my friends well and we get taking. Soon enough it's almost time to leave. Leave to late and we'll be stuck in the rush hour jam getting home. After a quick lunch at the café, we both say our goodbyes and get into the car to start our way back., agreeing that I'll be the one to drive first.

I put in the Lucius CD and our journey starts off in silence as we both admire the view. Sara once again takes a nap, but wakes up about a third of the way. Nearing the end of our ride I suddenly remember what I was going to ask her. "Sara," I say getting her attention.

"Yes?" she turns to face me.

Not quite knowing how to start to conversation, I settle on, "Um, about yesterday, I asked you a question. Are you only with me for the sex? Because it sure seemed that way last night."

I hear a sigh and she turns away to look out the window. For a second I think she's purposely ignoring me, but then she speaks up. "No, oh my god, no," she says putting her hands to cover her face. "I'm sorry, I just… haven't done this in a while. Relationships I mean," another sigh comes out of her before she finally looks at me and continues. "I really like you Tegan, I just don't really know what I'm doing yet."

I don't quite know what I'm thinking but I ask her, "Sara, will you be my girlfriend?"

"What? Tegan did you not listen to me?" she asks bewildered.

"Of course I listened, and yes, it's soon. We've been on one date but just give it a go, who knows what will happen? Please?" I've always been a bit unexpected, but this one is just crazy. For one, we barely know each other and two, our one date was being my plus one at a wedding and that's not typically first date material. But I don't care. I like Sara and if we're still going to be together, I can't be used for the sole purpose of her pleasure. I need to know if I at least have a chance.

"So Tegan, you buy a stranger a drink, convince them to dance with you, take them on one date, which happens to be your plus one at a wedding I might add, then ask them to be your girlfriend? Do you always do this? I mean do you really think it works?"

"Nope, but you're special," I look over at her beautiful face plastered with confusion and surprise. "And just don't put it that way," I can't help but giggle at how stupid it sounds.

"And why am I so special?"

"Because I think it will work, and you'll say yes."

"I don't know Tegan," She sighs again as she looks down to her lap and a different Sara comes before my eyes. Her confident composure alters and I see a more fragile person. It seems like she's either extremely inexperienced in relationships, or her previous one ended horribly. I think the latter suits her better. I have no idea what happened but I intend to find out and fix whatever was broken.

"I'll be nice and we'll go slow okay, c'mon, just give us a try,"

She gives it a second thought before nodding, "Okay." A smile reaching ear to ear appears across my face and I pull over for a minute. She leans in and captures me with her lips. All I can do is smile into the kiss and hug her tightly. "See, I knew you were special."


	5. Chapter 5

If I mess up and things don't match up with previous chapters please tell me, I have this memory issue which basically means I can't remember any details of what I've written and my mind is completely blank. Hope you like this chapter and review! :)

Chapter 5

A few weeks later I find myself settled into a new relationship. It may have taken me a while to get used to having a partner, but it's been great and I'd say we're still in that honeymoon phase.

Tonight we plan to go out and relax a bit, maybe find a club later on. After a couple beers, we loosen up and walk to a club nearby.

After a few shots I start to relax even more and soon find myself on the dance floor with Tegan right beside me. A few minutes later we separate a little and a few people come between us. My eyes get pulled to a bright pink dress that covers barely enough. Tegan's ass may be hot but this woman is probably the sexiest person I've seen. My eyes travel up, stopping at her chest for a second before finding her face. She looks fake, I'm guessing a whole lot of surgery happened. Okay sexiest body, that is. I look back down for a while before realizing I shouldn't be doing this with my girlfriend right next to me. I turn around to where she was, but she's not there anymore. Thinking we probably separated in the large crowd, I scan around for her, but I don't see her. I push past a couple people to get to our table but all I see is her short figure walking away, hips swaying due to the alcohol in her system.

I rush to catch up with her but I'm too late. She's already in the cab the moment I step outside. My slow brain finally works out that she caught me checking that other woman out. Damn. I go back inside the club but I can't possibly enjoy my night anymore so I pay and make my way home.

I sigh to myself letting my body fall onto the bed. I feel like such a shitty girlfriend. I forget dates, time, and this isn't the first time I've caught myself looking at other women. I fish my phone out of my pocket and dial her number. Expectedly, she doesn't pick up and I just toss it onto the bed. Maybe I'm just not cut out to be with someone. I should just be alone for the rest of my life. I mean why would a person like me deserve a person like Tegan. She's amazing, gorgeous and the kindest, funniest person I've ever met. Was I like this with Emy? If I was how did we last for so long? Was this the real reason behind all the fights I had with Stacy? I lay there and contemplate going over to her house or calling her again, but I find it a better choice to sleep on it first. After a restless night, I finally wake to the sun rising. After around 15 minutes I give up on any more sleep and get up from bed. I step into the shower and stand under the metal shower head. Hot water droplets burn my skin but I couldn't care less right now. My heart feels heavy and I feel bad about what I did. It's not that what I did was the worst thing in the world; it just makes me feel like the worst girlfriend in the world. Honestly, there are times where I can even forget that I have a girlfriend. I'm sure I wasn't like this with Emy or even Stacy. I couldn't have been. As I dry off, I decide to give Emy a call.

With wet hair and fresh clothes on, I walk to the kitchen making myself a cup of coffee. I dial Emy's number and sip my coffee while I wait for her to pick up.

"Sara? Hi, is everything okay?" her voice comes through and I'm glad she's stayed my best friend after everything we've been through. We used to be so in love, but things just died out I guess. We both moved on and managed to stay close. She may be my ex but I know I can talk to her about anything.

"Yeah, I just wanted to talk to you."

"Sara you do realize it's barely 6:30." I look at the time and mentally slap myself in the face as a pang of guilt hits me.

"Oh shit sorry, no I guess I forgot to look at the time. Did I wake you up? I can call back later Em."

"It's alright. I'm up already. So what's up?" she asks.

I take a deep breath, "Emy was I a really bad girlfriend?"

"Um, no not at all. Why? Is everything okay between you and Tegan?" her voice sounds confused. I've talked to her about Tegan before. She reassured me that being in a relationship was a good thing.

"No, maybe, I don't know. It's like, no matter how hard I try I just can't be a good girlfriend. I'm loyal, but sometimes I canstray, and not on purpose which makes it all worse. Do you know how many times I've looked at other girls and forget I have a girlfriend? And last night at the club she just left and now she isn't picking up the phone." I stop take another deep breath before I start rambling.

"Sara we're all human and everyone does it, just apologize to her."

"No but that's not it. I forget to pick her up, I forget dates, I'm late most of the time and I feel like she isn't exactly having the best time," I sigh.

"Maybe you're just off your game. Sara does she know about Stacy? You know you've changed after that. I know you Sara, and I know you're better than that."

"No, she doesn't. It's not the best thing to bring up exes. I figured she doesn't have to know about that, and I'd rather not tell her."

"Just tell her, talk to her. She's a good person, she'll understand. She might even help you move on,"

"I have moved on!" I try, but I can't even convince myself.

"Sara we both know you haven't quite moved on. If you keep lying to yourself you're gonna be lying to her as well. She's good for you Sare, don't ruin in because of a past breakup. Who knows, she might even help you get past it. Why don't you ask her out for lunch?"

"I guess I should huh. Okay, thanks Emy, and sorry again for calling this early. I'll see you soon," I tell her.

"It's okay, and I hope things work out, you deserve it. Bye Sara." I end the call and sit down, finishing my coffee. At this point I don't even know if I can hold a serious conversation with her, let alone one about Stacy. All this time I've been telling myself that by being with Tegan I'm over Stacy. But every time I think of her it stabs me in the chest. Don't get me wrong, I want to get past it, I just can't.

I clean my apartment to pass time and I head over to her place just before noon. I ring the bell and hear footsteps coming closer to the door. The door swings open and Tegan stands there dressed in a pair of sweatpants and an oversized shirt, not quite looking her best.

"Oh hi Sara, what are you doing here?" she asks surprised at my sudden arrival.

"Um, I wanted to ask if you'd like to have lunch with me and you didn't pick up so I came here. Sorry if I interrupted anything," I followed Emy's advice and thought it'd be best to talk over a meal so I would have something to do with my hands and I wouldn't fidget or get too awkward.

"Uh, sure I guess so. Come in and I'll get changed." She steps aside and tells me to sit down and make myself at home while she goes into her bedroom.

She comes out dressed in jeans and a black button up. She did her hair and put on a slight bit of makeup. She looks stunning. We both put on our Docs then she locks the door behind us before getting into my car. "Is the Planet Cafe okay?" I ask her hoping that café isn't too casual.

"Sure," she says simply.

We listen to the radio and talk a little on the short journey to town. After we get a table and order our food, I tell her the real reason I asked her out for lunch.


	6. Chapter 6

A/N If the ending sucks I'm sorry, I may change it later on..

Tegan POV

For the fourth time I saw Sara checking another woman out and I had enough so I just left. I'm probably jealous, though I won't admit it to my stubborn self. The first time I let it go because hey, we're all human. But after a few more times I started getting annoyed. I sigh to myself as I lay on my couch not really paying attention to the TV show that's on. Am I not good enough? Not pretty enough? I tried to be a better girlfriend. I took care of her when she was sick, I did whatever she wanted, I took her out on fancy dinners, but apparently that isn't enough either. I would take a look at those other girls and I notice a pattern. They're all sexy and rich looking. Sure, I work at an old record store with decent pay, but that doesn't mean I don't treat her well. For the entire night, anxiety kept me up thinking about what I'm not doing right. I hear the doorbell ring and wonder who it is. I don't bother checking who it is and open the door, and there she is. A mixture of happiness, anger and confusion fill my head.

"O-oh hi Sara, what are you doing here?" I ask.

"Um, I wanted to ask if you'd like to have lunch with me and you didn't pick up so I came here. Sorry if I interrupted anything," she tells me. I invite her in and I get changed.

As we order our food, I wonder why the sudden date. She looks nervous. She probably knows I'm a little mad at her. She looks up from the menu and smiles at me weakly. Even in her anxious state she looks so cute. Then I remember why she's nervous and I feel my heart break knowing I'm not good enough to have her. Though I don't really know what to expect by the end of this night, all I know is that I want her, and I want her to want me. And only me.

"So why the sudden date?" I ask her.

"Uh, I wanted to.. to see you I guess," her eyes don't meet mine.

We sit in awkward silence until the food comes. We both eat, occasionally feeding each other pieces of our meals. We become more comfortable and end up having a good time. It seems like any negative thought has left our minds. She pays for lunch after my lame attempt at offering.

"Do you wanna come over?" she says as we walk out onto the street. I look at her and nod my head. We both walk hand in hand, not saying anything as we head to her apartment. She opens the door and I settle on her couch, putting my feet up on the coffee table, turning on the TV as she gets us a drink. She comes and sits next to me, handing me a glass. After a few minutes she takes the glass from my hand and places it on the table, then lifts my legs up, off the table, then sits on my lap, straddling me. She takes my face in her hands and kisses me sweetly on the lips. Resting her head on my shoulder, I snake my arms around her waist and rub circles on her hips with my thumbs.

"I'm sorry," she whispers into the crook of my neck. Her warm breath hits my neck as she sighs. This is the other side of Sara rarely ever seen and I don't want to push her, so I stay quiet letting her take the time she needs. I slowly rub her back as she cuddles into me. After a moment I stand up, carrying her small body into the bedroom. I lay both of us down, pulling up the covers and scooting closer, slipping my arm around her waist again. I kiss her shoulder letting her know I'm not going anywhere. I'm not exactly angry anymore, but more upset. Since she doesn't say anything, I decide to start the conversation.

"Sara, am I not good enough for you?"

"What?" she turns around the face me. "What? No Tegan you're amazing," she presses her soft lips against mine, and I kiss back tenderly.

"Then I don't get is Sara, what am I doing wrong?"

"Tegan you did nothing wrong, I don't understand."

"I saw you looking at those other women. You don't pick up some of my calls or return my texts sometimes. I mean okay I sound incredible clingy but sometimes I don't even have your attention. Tell me what I'm doing wrong," I look at her eyes and a second later she lowers her head, breaking the gaze.

Sara POV

I can't believe she thinks it's her fault. I look up again and lift my hand and place it on her cheek. I move closer and look into her eyes to make sure she's listening to me. "Oh Tegan, please don't think any of it is your fault." She starts to say something, but I start first, wanting her to understand everything. "Tegan I don't quite know how to explain it, but basically I feel, I know, I'm being a bad girlfriend. It's just that sometimes it's not on purpose. I-"

"So what you're saying is that I'm not up to your standard or something? What the hell Sara?"

Okay, I definitely could have worded that better, my mind is just running everywhere right now. She grabs at the button of my jeans, "Is sex all you want? Cause if it is I might as well give it to you now."

"What? No! Tegan stop," my tone coming off a bit more demanding than intended. She freezes and looks at me with sadness and even more confusion than before. I sigh and let myself fall on my back, spreading my arms and legs on the cold sheets. After a moment I turn back to her and decide to let my heart do the talking. "Tegan I haven't dated anyone in the past year. Every night I go to the bar, get drunk and pick up some random woman, then leave. It became a habit. It became my life. But after the night with you I knew you were different I wanted to see you again, and so I did. And I don't regret it, not one bit. I really want to be with you but sometimes I just stray away from the whole being in a relationship part. It's nowhere near cheating or anything, but it's something, and you know that Tegan. After my past break-up I sort of though I wouldn't ever get into the dating scene. And whenever I remember you and those times I wasn't a good girlfriend, it hurts me to think that I'm the one that is incapable of being enough."

She looks at me for a moment, processing what I've just told her. I hope I made sense in all that and that she gets my point. That I want to be hers. I may even be falling for her, but I'm not ready to admit that, even to myself.

"Sara why didn't you just tell me this?"

"I don't know. I guess I didn't think you'd understand since I didn't quite understand myself either."

She sits up and this time she's the one to straddle me. Leaning down, she kisses me with passion while rubbing her hands up and down my sides. She slips her tongue between my lips and we battle for dominance before I let her take lead. She massages her tongue against mine and wanders known territory. I pull back slightly to take a breath. "Tegan, what are you doing?" I breathe out. I though she was mad at me. Instead of answering she lightly bites my neck and kisses it. Her mouth moves lower to my chest and she plants kisses everywhere. I feel a shock to my gut as she pushes her hips down into mine. She moves back up and whispers in my ear, "You want me right?" I barely nod, "Well I want you too."


End file.
